Not written for a few weeks - much has happened...
Since the last blog entry, I have finished radiotherapy. The last session didn't go well at all - nothing to do with the treatment but felt extremely low and quite stressed about other events taking place in my life. I recieved my last dose of radiation in tears that I was unable to wipe away as I had to lie still. When the treatment finished I spoke to the senior radiographer about my feelings and it was good to 'talk it all out' - I also felt reassured that a lot of people can also feel very emotional at this stage as this is the last daily input of clinical intervention which can leave some feeling quite isolated.
Several days after this I had a routine Echocardiogram appointment - this is an ultrasound of the heart to ensure the heart is functioning normally. I'm having 3 monthly Echo's as I have regular herceptin - which I have learnt is toxic to the heart! A week after the appointment I saw the oncologist who informed me that there has been quite a reduction in the heart's function. I must admit, I was quite surprised at this news and although this can be shocking in itself, I felt not too concerend going from my nursing knowledge and having an understanding of any implications. So, the oncologist and I liaised with future treatment options, agreeing to continue with the herceptin for now but to commence with a drug that would provide better control of the heart and to have a repeat Echo in 2 weeks. So far, all has been well with this new drug but induces the nastiest of headaches - sleeping normally eases this teamed with a couple of paracetemol!
Throughout all of this having major diy refurbishement to the living room and kitchen that has now lasted several weeks. I have donned old jeans and t-shirt and painted with emulsion and gloss - however the district nurse put her foot down when I said I would be sanding the ceiling and walls and insisted that I rest instead! So far both rooms look very different and I'm pleased with the results - but I'm now at a stage of wanting this to be over as soon as possible - especially as I feel this is also taking effect with the headaches I have.
Had an occupational health appointment at my work last week for a possible return to work. I arrived early, quite nervous, not sure what to expect. However any fears I had were dispelled immediately when the doctor commented that 'I look exceptionally well - was your operation earlier in the year?' When I said it was nearly 3 months ago she replied that she had seen many women go through this 'journey' and I was the exception to going back to work this early as I looked so very well!! After a brief chat, I was advised that I could resume work the following week on a phased return - over the next 8-10 weeks a gradual build up of full-time hours that started with 4 hours a day for 3 days a week for the next 2 weeks. To say I felt 10 feet tall when I left is an understatement! I immediately went onto the unit, spoke to my matorn and manager and booked my next lot of working hours. After a quick 'tour' of the unit to update myself from the many changes that had happened in my absence, I went home feeling completely exhilerated.
So, Monday - my first day back at work since this 'journey' began. Got there early, had a cuppa and went onto the unit. As my status will be supernumary for at least this week (extra staff and not taking on my own patient) I felt free to observe without committing to any clinical interventions until my confidence had built up. I felt very surprised though at just how much I had remembered - any doubts I previously had of being a nurse was dispelled. I also felt confident within the environment knowing my working expectations and limitations.
So far only had the one shift back at work - is normal life coming back? I certainly hope so as for as long as I can remember I'm not so sure what normal is anymore.
