Its been a few weeks since I have blogged. In this time I have started and now nearly finished radiotherapy.This in itself has been ok - when you are having the treatment you lie very still in a set position whilst you are 'zapped' with radiation - this takes no more than 5-10 minutes. However when combined with a 2-hour travel there and back its no wonder why you get tired from this - especially as this has been every day weekdays for 3 weeks.
I feel in myself like I am resuming back to my old self - except that I have changed. Can't define how/what I have changed but things are different now. Friends I see ask how I'm doing - I say that I'm ok but what about those others who are not ok? What about those who are constantly struggling with their 'journey'. What about those who are left behind - or who have not survived? Then I feel guilty - guilty for getting through this so far and feeling ok. Don't know how to get past this - feel low from these and many, many other feelings I have.
So, sorry this has not been the most positive blog entry to read, which on the grand scheme of things should be good. As many of you know that this is a way I offload whats whirring away in my mind - be it good, bad or indifferent. But somehow in re-reading what I have written so far my mind doesn't feel so heavy....
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