Well, thats how I feel - in there somewhere. After the second round of chemotherapy I feel as I am just existing - not really living. Think thats more to do with the anti-sickness drugs I have been given as they are making me feel extremely drowsy and out-of-sorts. Just feel nothing really. No 'what shall I do today', no real conversation, just time to get up, time for lunch/dinner etc. I am not going to take my evening anti-sickness drug which really does knock me out (which I can take as and when required) to see if I can buck myself up a little tomorrow - so we'll wait and see. Also have a cracking headache - perhaps tension from kids being off from half term?
Going for a wig fitting tomorrow - after saying 'no' initially. Changed my mind however when I saw ladies undergoing chemo with what I thought was a full head of hair! Don't know what to expect so I'll take things as they come. Will be quite welcome as my hair was falling out fast - thought I could cope with this gradual hair loss until complete baldness but after seeing patches of baldness knew I couldn't continue with this so got the other half to shave off the remaining hair. Was a decision not taken lightly. But I feel immensly better for it - stopped my scalp feeling extremely sore as well as the loose hair continually itching and falling around my shoulders. Feeling quite low at the moment so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day - and being able to obtain a full head of hair!
Tuesday 19 April 2011
Tuesday 12 April 2011
Hair
From my last blog entry things pretty much seem to have been quite positive. I have seen friends, studied, pottered around the house and even attended a zumba exercise class with my friend, which I was only able to do half the exercises due to my limbs feeling quite tired but I thoroughly enjoyed the music - I could even shut my eyes and pretend I was abroad! I met with my friend in the afternoon of that day and felt so good when I got home I threw myself into gardening - BIG mistake. That evening I knew I had overdone things and very rapidly developed a sore throat and a heavy cold. Seems I havn't yet learnt to relax and take things easy - but I certainly will now - I didn't sleep well from feeling so bunged up that breathing was difficult and made my 'good' days not-so-good. Rested and relaxed as much as I possibly could as a trip to Thorpe Park had been planned if I was ok and the weather good. This did indeed go-ahead and being very cautions and practible in what I wore as well as using sun-cream on exposed skin, the family and I had a thoroughly enjoyable day - all of us was tucked up in bed by 9.30pm as we was all completely wiped out by the days activities!
It was around late last week I had noticed a few loose hairs from either combing or washing my hair - as I had read from other websites hair loss from chemo started around 2 weeks, I became observant of my own hair from this point. Sunday had a few more loose hairs from styling. But nothing really prepared me for what I saw on my pillow Monday morning - lots of hairs all over the sheets and pillows. I stared at these hairs in the dark at first - and knew there was lots of hair there, then pulled the curtains down and just cried. I knew hair loss was inevitable - I even got my hair cut short in preparation for this - but even so I am still finding this incredibly hard to deal with and very distressing. Each day there is more and more hair loss - and I am now using chemo caps/hats at night and during the day to prevent these loose hairs just falling out as I cannot cope with this - at the slightest touch the hair just falls out. The loss so far has been quite even and not in patches and I am aware that perhaps this is a good sign as it means the chemo is actually working in my body. But it doesn't feel good when I see and feel the loose hair wherever I go. My scalp is also quite sore all over - don't know why but will raise this if this continues with the chemo nurses when I have my next chemo session - this Friday.
Therefore, having experienced one round of chemo, I really hope that the next round will be a lot smoother - after all the side-effects have subsided and by then complete hair loss, I would like to be able to have good days without having to deal with any other issues other than relaxing/resting (which I am not the best at.) Maybee then I will be able to find this journey a little easier to deal with.
It was around late last week I had noticed a few loose hairs from either combing or washing my hair - as I had read from other websites hair loss from chemo started around 2 weeks, I became observant of my own hair from this point. Sunday had a few more loose hairs from styling. But nothing really prepared me for what I saw on my pillow Monday morning - lots of hairs all over the sheets and pillows. I stared at these hairs in the dark at first - and knew there was lots of hair there, then pulled the curtains down and just cried. I knew hair loss was inevitable - I even got my hair cut short in preparation for this - but even so I am still finding this incredibly hard to deal with and very distressing. Each day there is more and more hair loss - and I am now using chemo caps/hats at night and during the day to prevent these loose hairs just falling out as I cannot cope with this - at the slightest touch the hair just falls out. The loss so far has been quite even and not in patches and I am aware that perhaps this is a good sign as it means the chemo is actually working in my body. But it doesn't feel good when I see and feel the loose hair wherever I go. My scalp is also quite sore all over - don't know why but will raise this if this continues with the chemo nurses when I have my next chemo session - this Friday.
Therefore, having experienced one round of chemo, I really hope that the next round will be a lot smoother - after all the side-effects have subsided and by then complete hair loss, I would like to be able to have good days without having to deal with any other issues other than relaxing/resting (which I am not the best at.) Maybee then I will be able to find this journey a little easier to deal with.
Tuesday 5 April 2011
Progress
It has to be said that I think that progress is being made. Since writing the last entry there has been good days - and bad days. Days where it felt like time was just stretching before me, not doing anything nor going anywhere. Feelings of what do I do with myself today or mostly, I'm feeling very odd and really unsure about how I feel - is this normal? has been quite common teamed with some very low points. I think this was most of my Friday and Saturday - which got better with seeing my work colleagues, family and spending quality time with a very good friend Saturday evening. Sunday was very odd indeed, with both and Ian not feeling ourselves at all - despite me not experiencing any side-effects from the chemo.
However - Monday was a complete turn-around with me seeing my friend for coffee, chatting to mum on the phone and for the first time in a long time carefully attempted exercise - which I normally thrive on for as this is a good mental uplift as well as having physical benefits. This left me completely exhausted but I felt
exhilarated and pleased with myself. These positive feeling continued today (Tuesday) - and grew as I had arranged to spend 3 hours at my work attending a training session. I don't think I have been so pleased to set foot into a hospital environment - shame I don't have the same feelings when attending my treatment sessions! I sat through this session taking on-board information that hopefully I will be able to retain and use in the future - and at the same time amazed myself with my previous knowledge that I was able to recall and put this together with the new info and actually made sense of it all - especially as this training session was aimed at experienced nurses who have been in the environment for 2-3 years. Came home and having the fire re-started of nursing set to my workbooks with much enthusiasm. I have started to plan the rest of this week as I feel that certainly most of the side-effects from chemo has now left - all apart from this continuing thirst every night. For any of you who might be experiencing the same journey I have tried drinking isotonic drinks during the night - which does seem to reduce the need of fluid - an indication of the body needing the additional electrolyes this drink offers that water does not.
I can now recognise a pattern developing for the on-coming months of chemo of the side-effects, good days and bad days and I feel better equipped at dealing with this for when the next round of chemo is due. I think this round of chemo hit me hard as this was something I did not plan for but had mentally prepared myself for the surgery. However, now I know what to expect I also know how to deal with it. When the good days are good - as it has been for me today - it is very good. As expected when the bad days are bad - it seems as this never ends. I am extremely grateful for all my friends and family who have come up trumps with the never-ending support. It is also during these times the bad days are kept to a minimum. Again, for those experiencing this journey - having a support network really is extremely important as this helps not just you but each member of the family who is directly affected by what you are going through giving then the strength and courage to keep going. I know that my current positive and upbeat feeling will not last as the next round of chemo is always looming around the corner but just knowing how to get through these dark days should keep the not-so-nice parts at bay and in perspective.
So - until I need another rant - sorry blog entry - will write again soon!
However - Monday was a complete turn-around with me seeing my friend for coffee, chatting to mum on the phone and for the first time in a long time carefully attempted exercise - which I normally thrive on for as this is a good mental uplift as well as having physical benefits. This left me completely exhausted but I felt
exhilarated and pleased with myself. These positive feeling continued today (Tuesday) - and grew as I had arranged to spend 3 hours at my work attending a training session. I don't think I have been so pleased to set foot into a hospital environment - shame I don't have the same feelings when attending my treatment sessions! I sat through this session taking on-board information that hopefully I will be able to retain and use in the future - and at the same time amazed myself with my previous knowledge that I was able to recall and put this together with the new info and actually made sense of it all - especially as this training session was aimed at experienced nurses who have been in the environment for 2-3 years. Came home and having the fire re-started of nursing set to my workbooks with much enthusiasm. I have started to plan the rest of this week as I feel that certainly most of the side-effects from chemo has now left - all apart from this continuing thirst every night. For any of you who might be experiencing the same journey I have tried drinking isotonic drinks during the night - which does seem to reduce the need of fluid - an indication of the body needing the additional electrolyes this drink offers that water does not.
I can now recognise a pattern developing for the on-coming months of chemo of the side-effects, good days and bad days and I feel better equipped at dealing with this for when the next round of chemo is due. I think this round of chemo hit me hard as this was something I did not plan for but had mentally prepared myself for the surgery. However, now I know what to expect I also know how to deal with it. When the good days are good - as it has been for me today - it is very good. As expected when the bad days are bad - it seems as this never ends. I am extremely grateful for all my friends and family who have come up trumps with the never-ending support. It is also during these times the bad days are kept to a minimum. Again, for those experiencing this journey - having a support network really is extremely important as this helps not just you but each member of the family who is directly affected by what you are going through giving then the strength and courage to keep going. I know that my current positive and upbeat feeling will not last as the next round of chemo is always looming around the corner but just knowing how to get through these dark days should keep the not-so-nice parts at bay and in perspective.
So - until I need another rant - sorry blog entry - will write again soon!
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