So, I'm now half-way through having all this chemo. Suppose I ought to feel positive, especially as the tumor has significantly shrunk. But I have reserved feelings on this. At the moment chemo equals life-in-hell.
Had the last cycle over a week ago, the last round of the drugs that (as I understand) are quite toxic, irritant with lots of nausea that almost comes as a guaranteed side-effect. As the nurse was administering this particular drug, my hand and lower arm where the cannula was sited felt extremely painful. Nausea hit amost immediately so I was given a break at this point with screens being drawn around me. I was aware that there was 2 large syringe-fulls left of this drug yet to be administered - at this pont I felt helpless and on the verge of refusing any more of this sheer hell - but knew there was no other alternative. Ever felt trapped??
From this and over the last 9 days or so the nausea and pain in my arm has been a constant problem. Looking back the amount of nausea I have had seems to get worse from each cycle, perhaps this is due to the build-up of drugs given? The last few days have been unbearable with me gagging at each wave of nausea and for the first time I threw up. Contacted the emergency doctor over the weekend as I was no longer coping - thankfully got a repeat prescription of strong anti-sickness drugs (plus a mild laxative as these drugs have a nice habit of making me constipated.) Today is the first day I have felt out of the woods, but consequently having to take an absolutely huge amount of drugs.
Despite all of this, have used gardening and re-jigging the house as a focus to take my mind off things. I am very proud to say that I have a whole host of vegetables now growing in a pretty good-looking garden as well as our chill-out 'Zen' room and hallway - our house now looks fab! My aunt who spent a couple of days with me last week has been a fantasic support - and great at cleaning the house!!
The next chemo cycle the drugs are changing - I have been told the most common side-effects are joint pain, feeling grotty and a sensation of walking on sponge (affects bone density) - and nausea - albeit minimal. So, although the previous drugs are no longer, its still really hard to be positive. Every chemo trip to the hospital feels like walking into eventual hell - really don't want to continue with this. Hey - if anyone wants to swap places with me (even for one day) then I'd only be too happy to oblige. No, ooh bugger!! x
Sunday, 15 May 2011
Monday, 2 May 2011
Life so far...
I havn't blogged for some time now - that I am very aware. But after bumping into a friend today who gave me a bit of a telling off saying she had been waiting for some time for the latest installment as the blog is better than Eastenders I thought I'd better get into action!
Life has been extremely up and down. I have chemo once every 3 weeks - and for the first 5-7 days after chemo I experience bouts of nausea, agitation, extreme tiredness, very dry mouth, headaches, and feeling not being able to function well at all. So far I have had 2 sessions of chemo (called cycles) with my third cycle due this coming Friday. During the rest of the time I slowly return to normality, and generally the third week prior to the next cycle I feel completely ok. It is during this time I feel at my best, able to cope with most things so have taken to studying extensively and completing my nursing workbooks, housework, cooking and gardening - and as I feel ok seem to completely overdo things! As I feel good and well the last weekend prior to the next cycle, the family plan fun days out - we went to Alton Towers Friday last week and although it was a very long day we all had a superb time - (had to tie my head scarf on very tightly when we went on Rita - those who have experienced the ride will know what I mean!)
Whilst out and about today I came across a very old friend - after one look confirmed that she also was going through the same journey, albeit a different diagnosis that still encompassed chemo. After talking with my friend for a few minutes I found myself in uncontrollable floods of tears - how many more of us are out there having no choice but to go through invasive and quite frankly wouldn't-normally-touch-it-with-a-bargepole treatments that results in very nasty and lasting side-effects? I feel angry that this is effecting too many good people. My friend did make me laugh though when others had told her to 'enjoy and be positive with your journey' - to which she retorted thanks, but you can leave your journey, I'd rather not go anywhere!
After going for that wig fitting a few weeks ago I now own my own wig - to the cost of £61.50 plus £14.00 for excessories. Have worn it a few times around town but after no-one recognises me (short stylish 2-tone bob style - completely different to my old hair style) so have taken to wearing my headscarf. So, if anyone spots a woman in a complete daze being not quite one hundred percent with a short-bob hair around town - please stop me and say hello!!
Life has been extremely up and down. I have chemo once every 3 weeks - and for the first 5-7 days after chemo I experience bouts of nausea, agitation, extreme tiredness, very dry mouth, headaches, and feeling not being able to function well at all. So far I have had 2 sessions of chemo (called cycles) with my third cycle due this coming Friday. During the rest of the time I slowly return to normality, and generally the third week prior to the next cycle I feel completely ok. It is during this time I feel at my best, able to cope with most things so have taken to studying extensively and completing my nursing workbooks, housework, cooking and gardening - and as I feel ok seem to completely overdo things! As I feel good and well the last weekend prior to the next cycle, the family plan fun days out - we went to Alton Towers Friday last week and although it was a very long day we all had a superb time - (had to tie my head scarf on very tightly when we went on Rita - those who have experienced the ride will know what I mean!)
Whilst out and about today I came across a very old friend - after one look confirmed that she also was going through the same journey, albeit a different diagnosis that still encompassed chemo. After talking with my friend for a few minutes I found myself in uncontrollable floods of tears - how many more of us are out there having no choice but to go through invasive and quite frankly wouldn't-normally-touch-it-with-a-bargepole treatments that results in very nasty and lasting side-effects? I feel angry that this is effecting too many good people. My friend did make me laugh though when others had told her to 'enjoy and be positive with your journey' - to which she retorted thanks, but you can leave your journey, I'd rather not go anywhere!
After going for that wig fitting a few weeks ago I now own my own wig - to the cost of £61.50 plus £14.00 for excessories. Have worn it a few times around town but after no-one recognises me (short stylish 2-tone bob style - completely different to my old hair style) so have taken to wearing my headscarf. So, if anyone spots a woman in a complete daze being not quite one hundred percent with a short-bob hair around town - please stop me and say hello!!
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