So, I'm now half-way through having all this chemo. Suppose I ought to feel positive, especially as the tumor has significantly shrunk. But I have reserved feelings on this. At the moment chemo equals life-in-hell.
Had the last cycle over a week ago, the last round of the drugs that (as I understand) are quite toxic, irritant with lots of nausea that almost comes as a guaranteed side-effect. As the nurse was administering this particular drug, my hand and lower arm where the cannula was sited felt extremely painful. Nausea hit amost immediately so I was given a break at this point with screens being drawn around me. I was aware that there was 2 large syringe-fulls left of this drug yet to be administered - at this pont I felt helpless and on the verge of refusing any more of this sheer hell - but knew there was no other alternative. Ever felt trapped??
From this and over the last 9 days or so the nausea and pain in my arm has been a constant problem. Looking back the amount of nausea I have had seems to get worse from each cycle, perhaps this is due to the build-up of drugs given? The last few days have been unbearable with me gagging at each wave of nausea and for the first time I threw up. Contacted the emergency doctor over the weekend as I was no longer coping - thankfully got a repeat prescription of strong anti-sickness drugs (plus a mild laxative as these drugs have a nice habit of making me constipated.) Today is the first day I have felt out of the woods, but consequently having to take an absolutely huge amount of drugs.
Despite all of this, have used gardening and re-jigging the house as a focus to take my mind off things. I am very proud to say that I have a whole host of vegetables now growing in a pretty good-looking garden as well as our chill-out 'Zen' room and hallway - our house now looks fab! My aunt who spent a couple of days with me last week has been a fantasic support - and great at cleaning the house!!
The next chemo cycle the drugs are changing - I have been told the most common side-effects are joint pain, feeling grotty and a sensation of walking on sponge (affects bone density) - and nausea - albeit minimal. So, although the previous drugs are no longer, its still really hard to be positive. Every chemo trip to the hospital feels like walking into eventual hell - really don't want to continue with this. Hey - if anyone wants to swap places with me (even for one day) then I'd only be too happy to oblige. No, ooh bugger!! x
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