I know it has been some since my last post - indeed it feels like months have passed since my last entry. However this lack of writing is not bourne out of I can't be bothered attitude or lack of interest, but due to me being in hospital twice in-so-much as many chemo rounds.
On my 4th chemo cycle the drugs used was changed to docetaxel - with a whole host of different side effects. I can't really remember too much about this round other than a few days after the chemo session I had severe constipation, abdominal cramps, big aches and pains in my shoulder, neck, back and legs and nausea. After several attempts of speaking to GP's and Nurses, I was taking 3 different laxatives without any success. (By this stage my stomach was so huge I looked 8 months pregnant!) In an attempt to get things moving we went shopping, despite me feeling quite weak and dizzy. By the time we got home and had dinner, I was shivering uncontrollably despite the many clothing layers I was wearing. Alarm bells began to slowly ring - I took my temperature to find it was sky-high at 38.2 degrees. At this point I knew that a hospital stay was inevitable - as at anytime whilst on this chemo reigeme I was to call the hospital if my temperature went above 38 degrees. So, with an overnight bag we went to the medical assessment unit as directed.
After seeing the doctor (and by this stage feeling extremely unwell) I was diagnosed with neutropenic sepsis - extremely low white blood cell count with a bacterial infection in the bloodstream (blood test proved I was running at only 15% of my body's immune defence system). As it was 11 o'clock at night, I said goodbye to the family and settled in for the night - only sleep was virtually impossible as the nurses striped off all bedcovers apart from a sheet and put on a fan in an attempt to fight the fever. I was literally shivering so much from being so exposed but felt red hot wherever I lay on the bed. Each hour passed by very slowly with the nurses periodically checking my temperature - which refused to come down, instead increased to 38.8 for most of the night. However by around 7.30am the temperature dropped to 37.5 - and I felt pleased to be able to finally switch off that dammed fan!! A couple of days later I was moved to the ward and had a PICC line inserted into my upper arm - this will allow future intravenous access (drip) without the need for more needles. Although this procedure was quite painful, this is a one-off that will last until no longer required and prevents any more damage to my hand/veins from the delivery of chemo or drugs. I was in hospital for one week, that ended with me pleading with the doctors to let me go home.
I had only 2 days where I felt ok-ish until the 5th cycle of chemo was due. Feeling like I'd rather be anywhere other that that chemo session, I did feel slightly better knowing that I was now aware of all the likley side-effects from the chemo, and felt better prepared. I spoke with the oncologist about all the problems of last time and was reassured with all the drugs he was prepared to prescribe to me to prevent any future episodes in hospital, including a 5-day course of injections to boost my white blood cells. As my breast cancer is hormone positive (as discussed with the consultant/chemo nurse at the beginning) I am also to recieve a years treatment of herceptin. Initially I thought these was drugs taken by mouth for a year but I learnt that this drug was delivered the same as the chemo - through an intravenous drip once every 3 weeks. At this stage I felt so very grateful for having the PICC line. My first herceptin was to be delivered a few days after the 5th chemo round. I duly went to this session, had an echocardiogram (scan of the heart) - as this drug can interfere in the way the heart works and then waited for 6 hours for observation in case of a reaction to the drug. All was ok, if a little boring. The following day I was feeling all the side-effects I had from the previous round of chemo including aches, pains, nausea but thankfully no constipation, instead diarrhoea. It was difficult to establish wether this was from chemo or herceptin as the side-effects are identical. I only really felt comfortable lying on my bed and thought I needed to pick myself up as I was also feeling quite low and tearful. My hands and feet were numb with cold and I was shivering - as I wrapped myself up further I had that sinking feeling - no, not again. I took my temperature - 37.9. DAMM! I rang the hospital and they wanted me to go in immediately. Waiting for my husband to come back from work I prepared my overnight bag. Why? Why does this keep happening to me? I had taken all the drugs I was meant to take, doing all the things I was suppposed to do. But I was feeling too rough to work out any of the answers. Got to the hospital an hour later, seen by the chemo nurses who took my temperature - 39.1 degrees. Well, I suppose I don't do things by half! I was transferred to the medical assessment unit - again - and spent a futher night of being stripped of any bedding, shivering, feeling hot and the return of that fan. Over the next few days, things had stabalised, returned to normal and I was allowed to go home.
Been home for a few days now. Today was the first day I spent time on my own for a long time. I still feel low but perhaps that isn't surprising. I can't walk that far or climb the stairs without pain due to the intense aches and pains in my upper and lower legs - it feels like both my legs are made of lead and are quite swollen and tight and so I can't move or walk very well. My mouth has ulcers, although these are getting better now and I still feel nauseas. I have lost most of my taste and still feel achy in my shoulders/arms/back. My fingers and fingertips feel sore. Bloody Chemo! On the plus side I have noticed a few days ago new hair growth - my scalp was fairly smooth that recently went to stubbly but now looks fuzzy.
I don't know how the next few days will pan out but I do know that I have only one chemo round left. One chemo round. Still two lots of side effects but one chemo round. Thats whats going round my head right now.
I am doing everything to stop my legs hurting as it is very frustrating feeling ok-ish but can't do anything as I can't walk anywhere without pain. Life has literally become day-to-day living as I just never know how I will feel from one day to the next. I just hope no more hospital admissions. A huge thank-you to all my friends who have supported me throughout all of this, and, of course, to my family. I just hope one day I will be fit enough to be able to return the favour.
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