Keep Calm...I'm a Nurse!

Just need to get this one out on paper, so to speak. Maybe I'll feel better then.

This blog entry has nothing to do with my cancer story - I think. Its to do with how I am feeling after a difficult day at work. I say difficult because I am so emotionally drained from the day that has now left me feeling low - perhaps a reflection on my own health?

Nursing what was deemed to be a stable patient (Mrs XX), I was set for the day. Looking after the same patient yesterday, I was informed that she was ready to be transferred to her local hospital - about 4 hours away. I was then informed the transfer would probably occur today as there were no beds available at her hospital yesterday.

Feeling excited, and this being my first time of transfering a patient without the assistance of my superiors, I re-read all my information I'd learnt from my transfer study day. As part of our role we are expected to accompany patients back to their local hospital for rehabilitation - which can be anywhere up and down the country. As this patient required the assistance of an anaesthetist  I felt reassured as I would not be travelling alone with the ambulance crew, and help would be immediately at hand if needed.

However, this was clearly not to be. By mid-morning I found myself pulling the emergency alarm as a plug of mucous had blocked her airway - and left the patient hypoxic as she couldn't breathe. Seconds later, the crash team arrives, doctors milling around and within minutes Mrs XX was looking better and breathing again.A scan was ordered, and after a few hours had passed the department was ready.

After the adrenaline hit from earlier suddenly crashes when the drama is over is enormous. Different thoughts enter my mind - I know what I did was absolutely right, but can't help feeling low - it was as if everything was in slow-mo. I had lots of reassurance from the team as I wasn't able to hide my own feelings of upset. Is this a case of not being able to let go due to my own experiences?

Feel better after a hot bath, a cup of tea and lots of hugs from the family. A good sleep now, and I should be re-charged for the hopefully not-as-dramatic next shift!