Felt I needed to write - and yes, to be miserable about the low times I can't seem to get out of. Let me explain...
Life generally has been very good indeed with the whole family thoroughly enjoying the festivities of christmas. Attended works xmas do for the first time - and somehow ended up being crowned Dancing Queen as I was my usual self of doing my own 'thang on the dance floor! During this time I don't recall feeling low at all - not even when my boys began playing up - as teenagers do! Just seems we get round the corner of welcoming in the new year and BANG - for some inexplicable reason I feel lower than the floor. Tried shaking this off by throwing myself into back my job and exercise - which I thrive on. However I have noticed of late I am becoming short of breath during the most simplest of tasks and exercises, something of which I have never experienced - even after recovery from surgery. This observation is not taken lightly when you are a nurse looking after patients with diseases leading to shortness of breath!
So, some time last week I made a mental note to my doctor or oncologist for advice. This was sought earlier than even I expected as I completely alarmed myself yesterday as climbing a stairs left me completely out of breath and unable to speak. What was more unfortunate was the fact I was attending a pulmonary endarterectomy study day - a thinning of the lung passageways by a clot or other reasons resulting in shortness of breath. Well, having listened all day to speaker after speaker stating facts over this serious and life-threatening condition if not treated (I actually found the whole day extremely interesting !), teamed with the increasing sharp pains I have had in my legs did nothing for my anxiety.
After leaving the study day, I immediately went home and called the oncology center for advice. I was told I should go into A & E straightaway Oh, great - here we go again then. So, after eating dinner my husband drove me to A & E where I stayed for 5 hours having various tests performed - all of which came back as negative. The doctors could not explain the shortness of breath or pains in my legs, but did confirm I did not have a clot. Well, that was a relief. But it didn't explain why I have been suffering and so was advised to see my GP today for a referral for lung function tests.
Dutifully, I attended my doctors surgery at 9.30 in the morning, and after a three-quarters of an hour wait was told I had been booked on the wrong appointment - and to come back at midday to see the doctor. Grrrrr. Doing as I was told, I reattended this appointment, and now have appointments in a few days time for lung function tests and to see my oncologist to discuss my treatment programme. After finding out more information from the MacMillian website, I think the shortness of breath is down to lung fibrosis (stiffened lung tissue) caused by radiotherapy, with pains in my legs due to nerve damage caused by chemotherapy. One thing I will mention is a special 'thank-you' to my eldest son, who seeing how low I've been was happy when I suggested going out for coffee and shopping - just to get out of the house!
Back to the here and now. Felt low all day. Tried hard to keep myself on the up - still waiting for the phrase 'fake it until you make it' to come true. But have just about stopped myself from going into a hole.
Hopefully this evening will be better. Hubby home now, so will get to making dinner - with a glass of wine!
Nothing else more to say. Don't know if this has been helpful or downright miserable to anyone reading this, but, hey-ho, this blog is my 'therapy' in overcoming this and the many other problems I've had since my diagnosis of breast cancer.
Until the next time then!
No comments:
Post a Comment