Just need to get this one out on paper, so to speak. Maybe I'll feel better then.
This blog entry has nothing to do with my cancer story - I think. Its to do with how I am feeling after a difficult day at work. I say difficult because I am so emotionally drained from the day that has now left me feeling low - perhaps a reflection on my own health?
Nursing what was deemed to be a stable patient (Mrs XX), I was set for the day. Looking after the same patient yesterday, I was informed that she was ready to be transferred to her local hospital - about 4 hours away. I was then informed the transfer would probably occur today as there were no beds available at her hospital yesterday.
Feeling excited, and this being my first time of transfering a patient without the assistance of my superiors, I re-read all my information I'd learnt from my transfer study day. As part of our role we are expected to accompany patients back to their local hospital for rehabilitation - which can be anywhere up and down the country. As this patient required the assistance of an anaesthetist I felt reassured as I would not be travelling alone with the ambulance crew, and help would be immediately at hand if needed.
However, this was clearly not to be. By mid-morning I found myself pulling the emergency alarm as a plug of mucous had blocked her airway - and left the patient hypoxic as she couldn't breathe. Seconds later, the crash team arrives, doctors milling around and within minutes Mrs XX was looking better and breathing again.A scan was ordered, and after a few hours had passed the department was ready.
After the adrenaline hit from earlier suddenly crashes when the drama is over is enormous. Different thoughts enter my mind - I know what I did was absolutely right, but can't help feeling low - it was as if everything was in slow-mo. I had lots of reassurance from the team as I wasn't able to hide my own feelings of upset. Is this a case of not being able to let go due to my own experiences?
Feel better after a hot bath, a cup of tea and lots of hugs from the family. A good sleep now, and I should be re-charged for the hopefully not-as-dramatic next shift!
Thursday, 7 March 2013
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
More Down Days
Felt I needed to write - and yes, to be miserable about the low times I can't seem to get out of. Let me explain...
Life generally has been very good indeed with the whole family thoroughly enjoying the festivities of christmas. Attended works xmas do for the first time - and somehow ended up being crowned Dancing Queen as I was my usual self of doing my own 'thang on the dance floor! During this time I don't recall feeling low at all - not even when my boys began playing up - as teenagers do! Just seems we get round the corner of welcoming in the new year and BANG - for some inexplicable reason I feel lower than the floor. Tried shaking this off by throwing myself into back my job and exercise - which I thrive on. However I have noticed of late I am becoming short of breath during the most simplest of tasks and exercises, something of which I have never experienced - even after recovery from surgery. This observation is not taken lightly when you are a nurse looking after patients with diseases leading to shortness of breath!
So, some time last week I made a mental note to my doctor or oncologist for advice. This was sought earlier than even I expected as I completely alarmed myself yesterday as climbing a stairs left me completely out of breath and unable to speak. What was more unfortunate was the fact I was attending a pulmonary endarterectomy study day - a thinning of the lung passageways by a clot or other reasons resulting in shortness of breath. Well, having listened all day to speaker after speaker stating facts over this serious and life-threatening condition if not treated (I actually found the whole day extremely interesting !), teamed with the increasing sharp pains I have had in my legs did nothing for my anxiety.
After leaving the study day, I immediately went home and called the oncology center for advice. I was told I should go into A & E straightaway Oh, great - here we go again then. So, after eating dinner my husband drove me to A & E where I stayed for 5 hours having various tests performed - all of which came back as negative. The doctors could not explain the shortness of breath or pains in my legs, but did confirm I did not have a clot. Well, that was a relief. But it didn't explain why I have been suffering and so was advised to see my GP today for a referral for lung function tests.
Dutifully, I attended my doctors surgery at 9.30 in the morning, and after a three-quarters of an hour wait was told I had been booked on the wrong appointment - and to come back at midday to see the doctor. Grrrrr. Doing as I was told, I reattended this appointment, and now have appointments in a few days time for lung function tests and to see my oncologist to discuss my treatment programme. After finding out more information from the MacMillian website, I think the shortness of breath is down to lung fibrosis (stiffened lung tissue) caused by radiotherapy, with pains in my legs due to nerve damage caused by chemotherapy. One thing I will mention is a special 'thank-you' to my eldest son, who seeing how low I've been was happy when I suggested going out for coffee and shopping - just to get out of the house!
Back to the here and now. Felt low all day. Tried hard to keep myself on the up - still waiting for the phrase 'fake it until you make it' to come true. But have just about stopped myself from going into a hole.
Hopefully this evening will be better. Hubby home now, so will get to making dinner - with a glass of wine!
Nothing else more to say. Don't know if this has been helpful or downright miserable to anyone reading this, but, hey-ho, this blog is my 'therapy' in overcoming this and the many other problems I've had since my diagnosis of breast cancer.
Until the next time then!
Life generally has been very good indeed with the whole family thoroughly enjoying the festivities of christmas. Attended works xmas do for the first time - and somehow ended up being crowned Dancing Queen as I was my usual self of doing my own 'thang on the dance floor! During this time I don't recall feeling low at all - not even when my boys began playing up - as teenagers do! Just seems we get round the corner of welcoming in the new year and BANG - for some inexplicable reason I feel lower than the floor. Tried shaking this off by throwing myself into back my job and exercise - which I thrive on. However I have noticed of late I am becoming short of breath during the most simplest of tasks and exercises, something of which I have never experienced - even after recovery from surgery. This observation is not taken lightly when you are a nurse looking after patients with diseases leading to shortness of breath!
So, some time last week I made a mental note to my doctor or oncologist for advice. This was sought earlier than even I expected as I completely alarmed myself yesterday as climbing a stairs left me completely out of breath and unable to speak. What was more unfortunate was the fact I was attending a pulmonary endarterectomy study day - a thinning of the lung passageways by a clot or other reasons resulting in shortness of breath. Well, having listened all day to speaker after speaker stating facts over this serious and life-threatening condition if not treated (I actually found the whole day extremely interesting !), teamed with the increasing sharp pains I have had in my legs did nothing for my anxiety.
After leaving the study day, I immediately went home and called the oncology center for advice. I was told I should go into A & E straightaway Oh, great - here we go again then. So, after eating dinner my husband drove me to A & E where I stayed for 5 hours having various tests performed - all of which came back as negative. The doctors could not explain the shortness of breath or pains in my legs, but did confirm I did not have a clot. Well, that was a relief. But it didn't explain why I have been suffering and so was advised to see my GP today for a referral for lung function tests.
Dutifully, I attended my doctors surgery at 9.30 in the morning, and after a three-quarters of an hour wait was told I had been booked on the wrong appointment - and to come back at midday to see the doctor. Grrrrr. Doing as I was told, I reattended this appointment, and now have appointments in a few days time for lung function tests and to see my oncologist to discuss my treatment programme. After finding out more information from the MacMillian website, I think the shortness of breath is down to lung fibrosis (stiffened lung tissue) caused by radiotherapy, with pains in my legs due to nerve damage caused by chemotherapy. One thing I will mention is a special 'thank-you' to my eldest son, who seeing how low I've been was happy when I suggested going out for coffee and shopping - just to get out of the house!
Back to the here and now. Felt low all day. Tried hard to keep myself on the up - still waiting for the phrase 'fake it until you make it' to come true. But have just about stopped myself from going into a hole.
Hopefully this evening will be better. Hubby home now, so will get to making dinner - with a glass of wine!
Nothing else more to say. Don't know if this has been helpful or downright miserable to anyone reading this, but, hey-ho, this blog is my 'therapy' in overcoming this and the many other problems I've had since my diagnosis of breast cancer.
Until the next time then!
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Down days
Well, I thought I wasnt going to write any more posts since my last one nearly a year ago. Have thought about posting only once or twice during the year but I find myself writing this blog at just gone 2 in the morning after feeling really down and can't sleep. Don't know why really. Part of the course? Or have I fallen victim of perhaps less intervention from the docs and starting to get over this beast?
Life has been good, really good. Sure, the normal ups and downs of a family life but has mostly been pretty positive. End of last year I was on a phased return to work and was full-time by Christmas. All good there. Early new year hubby and I booked a weekend break at a spa hotel to celebrate coming out of the other side. Still had a PICC line in place (intravenous access for 3 weekly herceptin treatment)- and, of course I should have known better NOT to have used their swimming pool and jacuzi, so I find out the hard way (whilst gaining more valuable patient experience) of how ill I can become as my PICC line got infected with psudomonas, bacteremia as well as 2 other infections. Hey - I may be a nurse and should have known better, but I now have valuable lessons to pass on to others whilst deepening my experience as a patient!!!
So, thats right, back to square one in March after being hospitalised for 2 weeks. Was instructed to take a further 6 weeks off work, so my phased return to work started AGAIN May and was full time end of June.
Went away on holiday with the family for a week in August, slapped factor 30 suncream on at least 4-5 times per day, whilst reading the book fifty (the majority of female holidaymakers also reading Grey - hmm!) and developed quite a tan for me - oh dear, what will my oncologist make of this (due to the radiotherapy I had last year skin can become phototoxic). Actually, in his words, his response was 'as long as you were sensible, life is too short not to enjoy doing what you like' - I'm happy with this 'cause I sure love the sun!!
The good news is that my PICC line was removed months ago - no more herceptin as have had the 12 monthly treatments. And I can go swimming whenever I feel like it. And my hair has grown, so much so I have to strighten it daily (my hair is naturally kinky curly). Even got enough of it to have bad hair days. The only reminders I have of going through cancer is the tightness of the mastectomy site which is still numb around the whole chest and arm area, 6 monthly check-ups and, of course a missing boob - which is going under reconstruction next year. So, a boob-job on the NHS is available. Wouldn't recommenend it though - hell of a journey just for that!
So, can't put my finger on why I feel down. Think the old confidence has taken a massive sky-dive at work. I seem to be beating up on things I can't do and forget the things I can do. I know this - I'm even writing about it. But work today (yesterday) has left me feeling I'm useless, despite me taking my worries to my nurse in charge who amongst my colleagues and senior members of staff have said I'm doing ok. Why do I feel so rubbish? I love my work, all I want to do is my absolute best for my patient who I'm charged with looking after on my shift - then feel useless that I'm not doing that. Oh, talk about beating yourself up, but can't stop.Still feel low - hopefully sleep now (as it has gone 3 in the morning!) and a better day tomorrow.
X
Life has been good, really good. Sure, the normal ups and downs of a family life but has mostly been pretty positive. End of last year I was on a phased return to work and was full-time by Christmas. All good there. Early new year hubby and I booked a weekend break at a spa hotel to celebrate coming out of the other side. Still had a PICC line in place (intravenous access for 3 weekly herceptin treatment)- and, of course I should have known better NOT to have used their swimming pool and jacuzi, so I find out the hard way (whilst gaining more valuable patient experience) of how ill I can become as my PICC line got infected with psudomonas, bacteremia as well as 2 other infections. Hey - I may be a nurse and should have known better, but I now have valuable lessons to pass on to others whilst deepening my experience as a patient!!!
So, thats right, back to square one in March after being hospitalised for 2 weeks. Was instructed to take a further 6 weeks off work, so my phased return to work started AGAIN May and was full time end of June.
Went away on holiday with the family for a week in August, slapped factor 30 suncream on at least 4-5 times per day, whilst reading the book fifty (the majority of female holidaymakers also reading Grey - hmm!) and developed quite a tan for me - oh dear, what will my oncologist make of this (due to the radiotherapy I had last year skin can become phototoxic). Actually, in his words, his response was 'as long as you were sensible, life is too short not to enjoy doing what you like' - I'm happy with this 'cause I sure love the sun!!
The good news is that my PICC line was removed months ago - no more herceptin as have had the 12 monthly treatments. And I can go swimming whenever I feel like it. And my hair has grown, so much so I have to strighten it daily (my hair is naturally kinky curly). Even got enough of it to have bad hair days. The only reminders I have of going through cancer is the tightness of the mastectomy site which is still numb around the whole chest and arm area, 6 monthly check-ups and, of course a missing boob - which is going under reconstruction next year. So, a boob-job on the NHS is available. Wouldn't recommenend it though - hell of a journey just for that!
So, can't put my finger on why I feel down. Think the old confidence has taken a massive sky-dive at work. I seem to be beating up on things I can't do and forget the things I can do. I know this - I'm even writing about it. But work today (yesterday) has left me feeling I'm useless, despite me taking my worries to my nurse in charge who amongst my colleagues and senior members of staff have said I'm doing ok. Why do I feel so rubbish? I love my work, all I want to do is my absolute best for my patient who I'm charged with looking after on my shift - then feel useless that I'm not doing that. Oh, talk about beating yourself up, but can't stop.Still feel low - hopefully sleep now (as it has gone 3 in the morning!) and a better day tomorrow.
X
Friday, 6 January 2012
New Year, New Me!
6th January 2012 - its been nearly 3 months since I have last blogged. Just re-read my last entry to see where I was on my 'journey'. I can't believe how fast things have changed - as well as how fast time has gone, especially when considering my diagnosis was nearly a year ago.
My life over the last 3 months has consisted mostly of building up my initial part-time hours at work to full time. I started full time (3 x 12 hour shifts weekly) just before christmas. I took a short break between christmas and new year and resumed back to normal shifts - apart from this week which I have taken as annual leave. I was informed a couple of weeks ago that I have over 200 hours of annual leave to use before 1st April which has been accrued during my sick leave. I must admit I hadn't even thought that I would be entitled to any leave during my absence so even if I lose some holiday I won't be too upset. I just feel grateful that I am now 'well' enough to return to full-time work - even if at times it can be stressful, extremely technological and physically and emotionally draining.
As for my treatment - I still have 3 weekly intravenous herceptin, which is now administered by nurses at home. I don't seem to have any major side-effects from this so this has become a part of my life. I also have regular echo's (scan of the heart) as the previous effects of herceptin caused the heart to function abnormally, although all is ok at the moment. I take daily tablets of tamoxifen and a beta-blocker (for the heart), again with no real side effects to shout about. As chemo was now many months ago (thank god!) my hair is really growing back with vengeance - apart from its shortness the only thing that has changed is the hair feels quite soft. I even have the slight curl back - which is a damm nuisance as its too short to straighten it!!
When I look back and think about only a few months ago I now can't believe what I have been through. I know people have told me how strong I have been with everything but I couldn't see that then. I now feel a completely different person to how I was most of last year. I feel like - me. There are, of course, subtle changes - like I now get extremely tired very quickly after working, or doing something strenuous, needing sometimes over 9 hours of sleep when I'm not working, not being able to use my left arm properly as I still have little feeling in the upper arm to chest area and this is obviously quite weak, and not being able to move and handle properly within the work environment. But all these things I have learnt to adjust so I can continue. I have even started back to my normal routine of exercising - although I have left out press-ups as I was told off by a nurse who was checking for lymphodema (swelling of the arm) and was surprised I continued when I had pain in my arm!
I have much to live for and I fully intend to grab as much of life as I can. That's what happens when your life is shaken up like this - you realise what your real priorities are and forget about anything that isn't important to you. After beating this battle, I've come out of it stronger and more determined - so you know who will come off worse with other battles - it certainly won't be me! At the stroke of midnight on new years eve we let off a huge rocket with all the bad stuff written on the stick of the firework - and sent it into oblivion. Goodbye all the bad and horrible stuff, welcome new year, new me!
My life over the last 3 months has consisted mostly of building up my initial part-time hours at work to full time. I started full time (3 x 12 hour shifts weekly) just before christmas. I took a short break between christmas and new year and resumed back to normal shifts - apart from this week which I have taken as annual leave. I was informed a couple of weeks ago that I have over 200 hours of annual leave to use before 1st April which has been accrued during my sick leave. I must admit I hadn't even thought that I would be entitled to any leave during my absence so even if I lose some holiday I won't be too upset. I just feel grateful that I am now 'well' enough to return to full-time work - even if at times it can be stressful, extremely technological and physically and emotionally draining.
As for my treatment - I still have 3 weekly intravenous herceptin, which is now administered by nurses at home. I don't seem to have any major side-effects from this so this has become a part of my life. I also have regular echo's (scan of the heart) as the previous effects of herceptin caused the heart to function abnormally, although all is ok at the moment. I take daily tablets of tamoxifen and a beta-blocker (for the heart), again with no real side effects to shout about. As chemo was now many months ago (thank god!) my hair is really growing back with vengeance - apart from its shortness the only thing that has changed is the hair feels quite soft. I even have the slight curl back - which is a damm nuisance as its too short to straighten it!!
When I look back and think about only a few months ago I now can't believe what I have been through. I know people have told me how strong I have been with everything but I couldn't see that then. I now feel a completely different person to how I was most of last year. I feel like - me. There are, of course, subtle changes - like I now get extremely tired very quickly after working, or doing something strenuous, needing sometimes over 9 hours of sleep when I'm not working, not being able to use my left arm properly as I still have little feeling in the upper arm to chest area and this is obviously quite weak, and not being able to move and handle properly within the work environment. But all these things I have learnt to adjust so I can continue. I have even started back to my normal routine of exercising - although I have left out press-ups as I was told off by a nurse who was checking for lymphodema (swelling of the arm) and was surprised I continued when I had pain in my arm!
I have much to live for and I fully intend to grab as much of life as I can. That's what happens when your life is shaken up like this - you realise what your real priorities are and forget about anything that isn't important to you. After beating this battle, I've come out of it stronger and more determined - so you know who will come off worse with other battles - it certainly won't be me! At the stroke of midnight on new years eve we let off a huge rocket with all the bad stuff written on the stick of the firework - and sent it into oblivion. Goodbye all the bad and horrible stuff, welcome new year, new me!
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Return to work - return to normality?
Not written for a few weeks - much has happened...
Since the last blog entry, I have finished radiotherapy. The last session didn't go well at all - nothing to do with the treatment but felt extremely low and quite stressed about other events taking place in my life. I recieved my last dose of radiation in tears that I was unable to wipe away as I had to lie still. When the treatment finished I spoke to the senior radiographer about my feelings and it was good to 'talk it all out' - I also felt reassured that a lot of people can also feel very emotional at this stage as this is the last daily input of clinical intervention which can leave some feeling quite isolated.
Several days after this I had a routine Echocardiogram appointment - this is an ultrasound of the heart to ensure the heart is functioning normally. I'm having 3 monthly Echo's as I have regular herceptin - which I have learnt is toxic to the heart! A week after the appointment I saw the oncologist who informed me that there has been quite a reduction in the heart's function. I must admit, I was quite surprised at this news and although this can be shocking in itself, I felt not too concerend going from my nursing knowledge and having an understanding of any implications. So, the oncologist and I liaised with future treatment options, agreeing to continue with the herceptin for now but to commence with a drug that would provide better control of the heart and to have a repeat Echo in 2 weeks. So far, all has been well with this new drug but induces the nastiest of headaches - sleeping normally eases this teamed with a couple of paracetemol!
Throughout all of this having major diy refurbishement to the living room and kitchen that has now lasted several weeks. I have donned old jeans and t-shirt and painted with emulsion and gloss - however the district nurse put her foot down when I said I would be sanding the ceiling and walls and insisted that I rest instead! So far both rooms look very different and I'm pleased with the results - but I'm now at a stage of wanting this to be over as soon as possible - especially as I feel this is also taking effect with the headaches I have.
Had an occupational health appointment at my work last week for a possible return to work. I arrived early, quite nervous, not sure what to expect. However any fears I had were dispelled immediately when the doctor commented that 'I look exceptionally well - was your operation earlier in the year?' When I said it was nearly 3 months ago she replied that she had seen many women go through this 'journey' and I was the exception to going back to work this early as I looked so very well!! After a brief chat, I was advised that I could resume work the following week on a phased return - over the next 8-10 weeks a gradual build up of full-time hours that started with 4 hours a day for 3 days a week for the next 2 weeks. To say I felt 10 feet tall when I left is an understatement! I immediately went onto the unit, spoke to my matorn and manager and booked my next lot of working hours. After a quick 'tour' of the unit to update myself from the many changes that had happened in my absence, I went home feeling completely exhilerated.
So, Monday - my first day back at work since this 'journey' began. Got there early, had a cuppa and went onto the unit. As my status will be supernumary for at least this week (extra staff and not taking on my own patient) I felt free to observe without committing to any clinical interventions until my confidence had built up. I felt very surprised though at just how much I had remembered - any doubts I previously had of being a nurse was dispelled. I also felt confident within the environment knowing my working expectations and limitations.
So far only had the one shift back at work - is normal life coming back? I certainly hope so as for as long as I can remember I'm not so sure what normal is anymore.
Since the last blog entry, I have finished radiotherapy. The last session didn't go well at all - nothing to do with the treatment but felt extremely low and quite stressed about other events taking place in my life. I recieved my last dose of radiation in tears that I was unable to wipe away as I had to lie still. When the treatment finished I spoke to the senior radiographer about my feelings and it was good to 'talk it all out' - I also felt reassured that a lot of people can also feel very emotional at this stage as this is the last daily input of clinical intervention which can leave some feeling quite isolated.
Several days after this I had a routine Echocardiogram appointment - this is an ultrasound of the heart to ensure the heart is functioning normally. I'm having 3 monthly Echo's as I have regular herceptin - which I have learnt is toxic to the heart! A week after the appointment I saw the oncologist who informed me that there has been quite a reduction in the heart's function. I must admit, I was quite surprised at this news and although this can be shocking in itself, I felt not too concerend going from my nursing knowledge and having an understanding of any implications. So, the oncologist and I liaised with future treatment options, agreeing to continue with the herceptin for now but to commence with a drug that would provide better control of the heart and to have a repeat Echo in 2 weeks. So far, all has been well with this new drug but induces the nastiest of headaches - sleeping normally eases this teamed with a couple of paracetemol!
Throughout all of this having major diy refurbishement to the living room and kitchen that has now lasted several weeks. I have donned old jeans and t-shirt and painted with emulsion and gloss - however the district nurse put her foot down when I said I would be sanding the ceiling and walls and insisted that I rest instead! So far both rooms look very different and I'm pleased with the results - but I'm now at a stage of wanting this to be over as soon as possible - especially as I feel this is also taking effect with the headaches I have.
Had an occupational health appointment at my work last week for a possible return to work. I arrived early, quite nervous, not sure what to expect. However any fears I had were dispelled immediately when the doctor commented that 'I look exceptionally well - was your operation earlier in the year?' When I said it was nearly 3 months ago she replied that she had seen many women go through this 'journey' and I was the exception to going back to work this early as I looked so very well!! After a brief chat, I was advised that I could resume work the following week on a phased return - over the next 8-10 weeks a gradual build up of full-time hours that started with 4 hours a day for 3 days a week for the next 2 weeks. To say I felt 10 feet tall when I left is an understatement! I immediately went onto the unit, spoke to my matorn and manager and booked my next lot of working hours. After a quick 'tour' of the unit to update myself from the many changes that had happened in my absence, I went home feeling completely exhilerated.
So, Monday - my first day back at work since this 'journey' began. Got there early, had a cuppa and went onto the unit. As my status will be supernumary for at least this week (extra staff and not taking on my own patient) I felt free to observe without committing to any clinical interventions until my confidence had built up. I felt very surprised though at just how much I had remembered - any doubts I previously had of being a nurse was dispelled. I also felt confident within the environment knowing my working expectations and limitations.
So far only had the one shift back at work - is normal life coming back? I certainly hope so as for as long as I can remember I'm not so sure what normal is anymore.
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
BREAST CANCER AWARENESS
A birth certificate shows you were born.
A death certificate shows you have died.
A photo album shows you have lived.
Every month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month…….
Give this heart to everyone you don't want to
lose in '2011 including me if you care.
Try to collect 12, it's not easy!
'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends...... B1.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.
Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.. So love
the people who treat you right.. Forget about the
ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If
it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life
would be easy, they just promised it would be
worth it.
Friends are like balloons;
once you let them go, you might not get them
back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own
lives and problems that we may not even notice
that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so
caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we
forget what's right and wrong.. Sometimes we just
don't realize what real friendship means until it
is too late. I don't want to let that happen so
I'm going to tie you to my heart so I never lose you.
Send this to all your friends including me and see
how many you get back. Even send it to your
balloons that you think have flown away forever.
You may be surprised to see it return.
Send this heart to everybody that
has touched your life in a positive way.
Thank you for being in my life!!!
A death certificate shows you have died.
A photo album shows you have lived.
Every month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month…….
Give this heart to everyone you don't want to
lose in '2011 including me if you care.
Try to collect 12, it's not easy!
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends...... B1.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.
Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.. So love
the people who treat you right.. Forget about the
ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If
it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life
would be easy, they just promised it would be
worth it.
Friends are like balloons;
once you let them go, you might not get them
back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own
lives and problems that we may not even notice
that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so
caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we
forget what's right and wrong.. Sometimes we just
don't realize what real friendship means until it
is too late. I don't want to let that happen so
I'm going to tie you to my heart so I never lose you.
Send this to all your friends including me and see
how many you get back. Even send it to your
balloons that you think have flown away forever.
You may be surprised to see it return.
has touched your life in a positive way.
Thank you for being in my life!!!
Thursday, 15 September 2011
Getting my life back
Its been a few weeks since I have blogged. In this time I have started and now nearly finished radiotherapy.This in itself has been ok - when you are having the treatment you lie very still in a set position whilst you are 'zapped' with radiation - this takes no more than 5-10 minutes. However when combined with a 2-hour travel there and back its no wonder why you get tired from this - especially as this has been every day weekdays for 3 weeks.
I feel in myself like I am resuming back to my old self - except that I have changed. Can't define how/what I have changed but things are different now. Friends I see ask how I'm doing - I say that I'm ok but what about those others who are not ok? What about those who are constantly struggling with their 'journey'. What about those who are left behind - or who have not survived? Then I feel guilty - guilty for getting through this so far and feeling ok. Don't know how to get past this - feel low from these and many, many other feelings I have.
So, sorry this has not been the most positive blog entry to read, which on the grand scheme of things should be good. As many of you know that this is a way I offload whats whirring away in my mind - be it good, bad or indifferent. But somehow in re-reading what I have written so far my mind doesn't feel so heavy....
I feel in myself like I am resuming back to my old self - except that I have changed. Can't define how/what I have changed but things are different now. Friends I see ask how I'm doing - I say that I'm ok but what about those others who are not ok? What about those who are constantly struggling with their 'journey'. What about those who are left behind - or who have not survived? Then I feel guilty - guilty for getting through this so far and feeling ok. Don't know how to get past this - feel low from these and many, many other feelings I have.
So, sorry this has not been the most positive blog entry to read, which on the grand scheme of things should be good. As many of you know that this is a way I offload whats whirring away in my mind - be it good, bad or indifferent. But somehow in re-reading what I have written so far my mind doesn't feel so heavy....
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