The last few days seemed to have passed by unsignificantally. I have also felt quite low. I have tried to keep myself busy and my mind off things by getting the house in order as I am aware this will become less important after the op. Went to the hairdressers today (Saturday) to see what appointments was available to get my hair cut - the hairdresser who I regularly see seemed to understand my plight without many words spoken - and offered a few wise words of advice. Sunday seemed to be a little brighter with lighter spirtis and only the odd moment feeling sad. Bought more practical items for night and day wear after the op - even this felt more comfortable than the other days shopping. As work has now finished have tried to think of what I can do to fill the time between now and the op itself - having lots of spare time really does not suit me very well as my hubby only knows too well! Have more appointments at the hospital this coming week and teamed with the hairdressers appointment seems to be the weeks highlights! Ian has informed me of a website that gives advice to all the effects from chemotherapy treatments so I will also look into this. I must admit, from what Ian has told me about some of the effects I'm not looking forward to this at all, as it appears that chemo will have some very nasty side effects indeed. So, with trying to lead as normal life as possible as well as preventing all of this from becoming a waiting game until the op I will endeavour to keep myself as active and busy as I can.
Which can only leave one thought - anyone tried the Thornton's chocolate luxury ice-cream? Delicious is not the word!!!
a BIG week!
ReplyDeleteAfter twenty odd years of being with Sian, this week will see a huge change in her. From initially getting together when her hair was shoulder length, we’ve been through quite a bit – 80’s big perms, colouring, highlighting, with fringes, without fringes to the current long, straight look – but, all will change later this week. For the first time in the many years we have been together, Sian is going for a short cut.
You would have read from Sian’s posts that she is going for a style similar to Emma Watson’s new look. Sian has even been utilising my Photoshop skills to superimpose the style on to her face – and I must admit, it doesn’t look bad at all! I’m still apprehensive though. I am just hoping that once the deed is done that Sian really does like to new look and that it does not make an already very difficult situation that bit more intolerable. Sian has said that she is quite looking forward to getting the new style, I hope that’s not a bit of bravado – it’s going to be difficult enough for me to lose a bit of the old girl, I can’t even imagine how it would affect Sian to have such a drastic image change if the results are not liked. One thing I do know though, is that getting ready to go out will now be so much quicker, no more need for Sian to have to spend forty-five minutes with the straighteners!
We have two appointments at the hospital this week and, hopefully, two things will happen – Firstly, we’ll get in on time and not have a two hour wait past the scheduled appointment and , secondly, we get a date for Sian’s surgery. It is very difficult planning anything without knowing when Sian will be going into hospital. Even though we know it will be within the next two to three weeks, without having that set date, it still feels so far away. There is one thing that has been bringing me down very much though. That is the thought of the drive to the hospital on the day of the surgery. I am struggling so much with this one, to know that I’m driving Sian to a place that is going to fundamentally change her both mentally and physically for the rest of her life is so upsetting – I have shed more than one tear thinking about this day. I can’t help but think that I’ll be dropping off my whole and perfect Sian, only to bring her back home bruised and scarred – not that I will love her any less for this, in fact I know my respect for her bravery will mean that I will love her even more and that, in time, the scars will be regarded as trophies from a victorious battle, further proof that despite what life can throw at us (and believe me, it has thrown a lot our way!) all the adversity just drives us closer together. I just hope that when the time comes I am strong enough to complete the journey and not ‘forget’ to turn off the A1 and just speed as far away from the hospital as possible.
It does seem, that as the inevitable surgery day comes closer, I am finding it harder to deal with it in a positive and light-hearted way. This does make me feel incredibly guilty. It is Sian who is going to have to go through some pretty horrendous procedures, it is Sian who is going to have to spend months dealing with the side-effects of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, it is Sian who is going to have the ongoing worry of cancer returning. So, what gives me the right to feel so bloody upset by it all?