Contemplation

Really struggled at work today - not that the shift was particularly challenging but mentally found things very difficult despite being able to have a laugh and a joke with my colleagues. Came home and my mood seemed not to change, having to focus very hard at remaining positive. Chatted lots last night with hubby about the last waste-of-time appointment - feel like in some strange way I have failed. Failed as maybe I can't have the reconstruction done at the same time as the mastectomy due to possible courses of radiotherapy, of which I will have to wait a year before reconstruction can be done. For the week I have known about my breast cancer I thought the reconstruction after mastectomy would not be a problem. I had not thought of all the consequences of using my own tissue for this - of which I am now not in favour, opting for the implant option instead. Was good chatting this out with hubby as he has helped me to understand that I have not failed in anything but simply changed my mind due to informed choices and learned infomation - after all, he says, isn't that what we do as nurses for our patients - giving informed choice? Seems like he has a valid point. Damm - I knew I wouldn't be good as a patient!!
So, (as I said at the beginning to my friends) the exercise in my health plight is to highlight the benefits - Benefits for the day include no more 12-hour shifts, lot of chillin' and a good excuse to eat as much rubbish as I feel!